Diagnosis Day.
An exhausting day. Emotionally and physically. I don't ever sleep the night before.
Today, for the 3rd time, I was told that my child has Autism. As I listen to the evaluation report, my body goes numb. I know it's coming, I see the Autism in my kiddo. Hearing the diagnosis is still upsetting. The third time is by no means easier.
It doesn't get easier. The blow hasn't been lessened. I feel like I've been repeatedly punched in the gut over and over. My heart aches for my children.
June 22, 2010
November 16, 2012
April 19, 2013
These dates are our 3 D-Days.
I'm filled with emotions....anger, acceptance, sadness. No denial though. I know it's right.
There have been tears and there will be more. The emotional rollercoaster that I'm already on is traveling full speed and it's a bumpy ride. Up and down. High and low. As long as it doesn't crash, we are good.
Autism is part of them and I love them. However, Autism brings them many challenges that I wish they didn't have to deal with. I embrace and dislike their Autism. I would take their challenges away and bear them myself if I could. I'm sad for my kiddos, that things will be hard for them. It's hard being a kid anyway even without all the issues they have. Kids are mean and I hate to think of my kiddos being at the receiving end. I'm sad because things that should be easy and fun for kids are not for mine. Kids shouldn't worry and have anxiety, they should be carefree.
Today, it was my daughter, my baby girl. We now have both boy and girl Autism in our home.
I know the diagnosis will help her get the services she needs. I know the diagnosis doesn't change HER. She is my sweet girl, no different than she was this morning. I know that things will be more than ok. I've done this before. I know. But, my heart is still broken today.
Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning.
Family with 4 kids. Autism included.
My first guy response is "I am so sorry." And I am. Yeah, it's not a death sentence, but I know the first couple of weeks...months...years sometimes, is a time for grieving. But you and your kiddos will pick yourselves up, brush yourselves off, and carry on. You know that she is going to be a wonderful young woman and her strength is going to shine through.I am sorry for the hardships and the broken heart, but you will be okay and so will your kids. At least now you know.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Two of my three kiddos have Autism. When my son was diagnosed, I took it quite hard. I was two for two at that time, and I couldn't understand why. I still don't. Allow yourself to grieve. Once you do that, you will start to feel stronger. The days will get easier. {hugs}
ReplyDeleteThree out of four is very tough. Be gentle with yourself and the kiddos will hopefully be gentle with you also. Hang in there! I am one for one and find it hard. I can't imagine though we wanted more kiddos, but weren't blessed in that way. You are blessed and I hope those thoughts outweigh the grief eventually.
ReplyDelete