Staying Strong

Some days I feel like Autism is beating us with a stick.  Not letting us get ahead, not letting us move forward, keeping our entire family in a static position of survival.  This position of survival isn't really living, it's purely surviving day to day life.  It often feels like we are just trying to survive Autism.  While surviving, we aren't doing all the fun family and kid things other are doing.  We are literally only surviving. 

Autism and it's friends beat us daily.  Autism brought friends to the party.  This party that no one wanted to be invited to, with no opportunity to decline.  Autism's friends are the list of accompanying diagnoses that keeps growing.  More things to Google.  More things to learn and understand.  New battle tactics become necessary.

We are fighting daily battles, all day long.  We go from one battle to the next, often multiple battles at a time.  Some we don't even know what or why we're fighting.  Some battles we all end up in tears together holding each other crying.  This is what autism has done to us, to our family.  It continues to beat us, some days harder than others.  If it takes a day off from beating us, we pay for it.  We live on the edge.  The edge is a very stressful place to live.  There is no break, no real relaxing and no way to plan or count on anything. 

Staying strong can be tough.  Especially when we are exhausted and running on empty.  Staying strong is required because getting lost in all those terms and be dangerous but knowing that we need to learn and understand.  Staying strong is having patience about meltdowns that we don't know a cause for or don't understand. Staying strong is the rearranging of every single part of our lives for our kiddos, constantly.  Staying strong is staying up late to wash the only shorts that don't hurt.  Staying strong is staying awake at night trying to figure out how to tackle an issue.  Staying strong is about having tons of patience.  Staying strong is being online, reading and talking to other parents trying to find new ideas.  Staying strong is not becoming bitter while you sit on the sidelines watching your family and friends move forward living typical lives.  Staying strong means seeking help for the kiddos and working for progress but it's also about realistic.  Staying strong is about not losing your shit when you hear hours of screaming every day and have no help and no adult conversation because no one understands.  Staying strong is living in constant turmoil and getting up every morning ready for another day. Staying strong is realizing that the life you have isn't the life you were expecting and dealing with that, moving forward and embracing it. 

Staying strong requires physical, mental and emotional endurance.  Some days staying strong is more than difficult.  Sometimes we aren't strong but we regain our strength.

Autism is relentless.  It swings it's stick at us, trying to rattle our half full glass.  We have to keep things in perspective and stay strong.  Our kiddos need us.  Staying strong is the only option.  We do it for them.