In response to my blog post about the 5 things I don't want to hear as an Autism parent (which you can read here) I thought a list of things to say seemed like it might be helpful.
Here are some options to say to an Autism parent that we would prefer to hear.
1. What can I do to help or support you? We don't hear this enough, that's for sure. Help or support can come in a huge range of actions, from texting to helping out with the kids. Anything between that would be helpful or supportive. We live in a very isolated world. We are often lonely, sleep deprived, over-worked, over-stressed and would love a little help.
2. That must be really hard. Just acknowledge the obvious. It is really hard. Hearing that validates what we are doing without seeming patronizing.
3. You're doing a great job. I can't express enough how wonderful it would be for an Autism parent to hear this. Give them credit for all their hard work, difficult decisions, hard days and sleepless nights.
4. I have no idea what you're going through. This is true and it's ok to say. Others don't know what it's like to deal with the hundreds of issues that we deal with on a daily basis. Our lives are different. It is impossible to know what we are going through unless you are also an Autism parent.
5. I don't know much about Autism, what should I know? Saying this doesn't make one look ignorant but interested in learning more and being involved. Most of what people know about Autism isn't even accurate and we would love hearing that people want to learn more. Autism Awareness and Acceptance are really important to us.
Love it!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletePeople really don't know what to say. It seem my sister double talk to us so in order to avoid conflict of any kind we just don't say anything. He's to hard to watch he's a runner,he's aggressive and plus he's 14 in a diaper and no we will not change a young man body waste. She have said often she love him just the way he is as she should we love him but we have seen an heard how she do the people @ school and feel it's best to let her deal with him. Those that have offer to help she get upset over something so it's just easier to leave it alone.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the other comments, wow you are a crappy brother or sister. "It's just best to let her deal with him?" Wow, luckily for him, maybe it's a blessing that you aren't involved at all.
DeleteAnonymous, you're a crappy brother or sister.
ReplyDeleteagree with you
Deleteme too with family like you id rather be alone!!!
DeleteAs a mother of a son with Autism, I feel like its sometimes just best for people to mind their own business and just let me raise my son. He has meltdowns and people look at me like I must be injuring him in some way. The understnading would be great but to just not stare and let us be would be great. :)
ReplyDeleteyeah of course.... where ever we are , they look our child as an animal... the way he eats the way act the way he make sounds , its a show to them...n laugh behind the backs... but they don't know they laugh behind lot of pain and the how much they commit sin...
DeleteYou know I lost my job, when my boss knew that I have a autistic kid
This is the world cruelty...Am I to raise my ahnds and say oh God.. no coz always the prayers are in me,... but nothing is being blessed....
I had to stop his learning classes cos we coudnt take up the cost
yea i know how you feel.x
DeleteAs a mom..... I hope people would do understand...
ReplyDeleteWe deal with these situations along with other remedies of a family.... (our bills/other issues/jobs issues/ etc etc etc) including dealing with our autistic child)
SO hopefully every parent might read and understand. But sad to say... parents who does not have the remedy of a autistic kid/kids, does not like their children to mingle with our kids... I hv faced and I hv heard many stories......So hope and urge and pray to have a heart for them. In my country by the learning centers, they don't do anything but nothing for their development, but keep at same levels , since its their earning... so they charge at high and mighty charges and I always feel its a ransom..... So people should be aware of these situations...
God bless all
yes people need to be more educated i think the lack of care and interest has a lot to do with it i have lost friends boyfriends family members all because of my sons disability but you know what i have realised that they are not worth the stress or the tears at first i was heartbroken but now i just look at them in their little boring steryotypical world of bullshit and i live my life the way i always have and will and keep my distance from the ignorant and the stress heads i havent got the time to talk about crappy meaningless rubbish that quite frankly most people have chosen to put themselves in the position of. I didnt have a choice hes my son i was dealt a shit hand and now i have to do my best with what i have i love him and will take care of him till the last breath i take in this world.xxxx
ReplyDeleteThe thing that irritates me the most is denial. My son is very high functioning and his behaviors can be misunderstood. I remember one-time when me and my son was in the mall (back in February way before I knew my son was autistic), my son had the glory of meltdowns. It started wit running out of the play place in the mall and after several times of placing him back into the play place, I decided it was time to leave. My son, did not want to leave (at the time he was two 1/2), so as we started to walk away and leave the play place, he started to scream and cry. As if this wasn't bad enough, he threw himself down on the dirty mall floor and started rolling around refusing to get up. After trying to walk away a couple of times and my son still laid on the floor, I tried to make him walk. This ended badly and made it look as if I were pulling him by his arm. Once I let him go he walked back to the spot where he had been laying before, and laid back down refusing to get up. I should of carried him or handled it differently, but I wanted him to get up and walk. At the time I didn't know my son was autistic. I just thought this was a bad two-year-old fit. Once I finally got my son to get up and walk we sat down at a table in the cafe because I had received an important call, I had to take. To my surprise my son sat there and behaved and did very little wrong. It was like the big fit he had just had never happened. Recently, family has been fighting me about my son being autistic. It really frustrates me because they aren't there when he does these types of things or watch him when my son doesn't know how to play with other kids, and just stalks them oddly around play places. Or how is now three and will only play on the baby slides because the "big kid" slides scare him. Or any of the other odd behavior my son has.
ReplyDelete
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